


You'd Bleed Just to Know You're Alive

by MsYukari



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, Feelings, Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:15:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsYukari/pseuds/MsYukari
Summary: Joan decides she has to tell Vera how she really feels, even if she risks being rejected.
Relationships: Vera Bennett/Joan Ferguson
Comments: 57
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic is inspired by a lyric from the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Here is a link to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYWuo9OFAw
> 
> Please enjoy! :)

Joan sighed as she thought about what she'd have for dinner tonight. Alone again with her thoughts, she wondered at times if she really did enjoy eating alone. The routine was comfortable, but never truly satisfying. Yearning for human contact was something she fought against on an almost daily basis. Some days were easier than others, often when she reminded herself of the many human weaknesses that she tried so hard to suppress.

She gazed at Vera smiling as she walked through the corridors, knowing that whatever she was smiling about had to do with something Joan would never understand. She hoped her smile had something to do with their work. Although, Joan would be remiss if she didn't acknowledge the changes in Vera. She was slowly coming into her own, and it wouldn't be long before she'd have to spread her wings. Joan didn't exactly look forward to that day, and she wondered why it bothered her. She trusted Vera on some level that went beyond the need to mentor her. Yes, she used her to gain information but it was a necessary evil in order to run the prison more efficiently.

She didn't make friends easily, and their debriefings and dinners reminded her of a simpler time. Her father's words reminded her that you couldn't trust anyone, but he wasn't around anymore. The more alone she felt, the more desperate she became. Over time, the debriefings were more than just superficial talk about work. Vera was more than just her colleague, she was a friend. Joan _cared_... in her own way. Tonight, she would finally ask Vera on a date. She cringed even thinking of the term, but that's exactly what she wanted. She wanted them to move forward beyond friends... and she knew it was very possible that Vera felt the same way.

She glanced up as Vera walked into her office. “I have these reports for you, and I think we might need to do a ramp soon.”

“Good work, Vera,” Joan said as she took the reports from her.

Vera smiled slightly, nodding her head. “Doyle is up for parole soon.”

Joan hid her disgust, knowing very well that it wouldn't be possible. “Well, we'll see how long that lasts. I don't have high expectations.”

“Miss Westfall believes--”

“As much as I appreciate Miss Westfall's... _services_ , her opinion is irrelevant. Remember what I told you, Vera. Some of these prisoners will say and do anything to fool us into believing they're a productive member of society. Some people are beyond our help.”

Vera frowned. “I hope you're wrong about that, because I do think she might be ready to leave us.”

“I hope you're right,” Joan said quietly.

“If that's all, Governor?”

Joan looked up, feeling the tingling in her fingertips, the butterflies in her stomach. _Such a strange, yet pleasurable feeling._ “Hmm, not everything. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner tonight.”

“I can't actually, I already have plans.”

Joan blinked, not used to this sudden rejection from her Deputy. It was unusual, and she wondered just who she had plans with. “I see... well, I can't say that I'm not disappointed. Another time, perhaps.”

Vera immediately looked contrite. “I'm sorry, Joan, I would love to have dinner with you on a different night. I'm just... um, I'm going on a date.”

Joan felt cold as her mouth went dry. It was an odd feeling, and she knew then that she was experiencing jealousy. She stared at her for a few seconds before lacing her fingers on her desk. “That's good, I wouldn't want to... deny you of that. Have a good time,” she said, forcing a smile, but inside she felt completely dejected.

Vera disappeared out the door, and she narrowed her eyes as she saw Fletcher talking to her outside. Their body language gave her everything she needed to know. She wondered if this was the first date she's had with Fletcher, or if they'd been seeing each other longer. She thought they weren't on good terms anymore, but somehow Vera slipped out of her grasp. Her nostrils flared, thinking of all the opportunities she wasted. She waited too long to realize how she really felt about Vera.

She'd had dreams of kissing Vera for months. At first she thought they were just dreams, but overtime she realized they weren't. It had been a long time since she dreamed of any woman except Jianna. She had finally gathered up the courage to possibly pursue Vera in a relationship, and now this happened. Joan closed her eyes, imagining those soft, full lips against hers. She spent so long mourning Jianna that she forgot what it was like to feel something again. She'd bleed just to know she's alive.

She glanced at the CCTV and saw Vera leaving the prison. She quickly rose from her chair, following her outside.

“Vera!”

The smaller woman jumped and turned around. “Yes, Governor?”

Joan now stood in front of her, lowering her hand to brush off a piece of lint from Vera's shoulder. Vera bit her lip, looking up at her slightly confused. “What is it?”

“I know you already made plans, but would it make any difference if I told you that I, uh, I don't want you to see him?”

Vera furrowed her brows. “Are you saying I need your permission? There isn't anywhere that says we can't date another officer.”

Joan breathed deeply, reigning in her irritation. _Don't screw this up._

“It's not that... I'm not being clear and I apologize. I-I'm attracted to you.” There it was finally out.

Vera's eyes grew wide, and Joan continued somewhat in a rush. “And if you have any feelings for me, will you please think about this? I would enjoy taking you on a date, if you'll allow me.”

“This is... this wasn't what I expected,” Vera said.

“I know, but all those times we spent together after work and at my house, they've been very special to me.”  
  
“They have been for me too,” Vera said, her cheeks reddening.

Joan took a risk and lowered her hand to her cheek, feeling how soft Vera's skin was. “You're special to me. If you cancel your date with him, I promise you that I'll make it up to you,” she said softly, her eyes gazing at her fondly. She gently rubbed her cheek with her thumb, and Vera leaned a little into her palm.

“What took you so long?”

Joan smiled with relief. “My own insecurities. Do I take that as a yes?”

“Yes, I'll cancel with him and I'll go on a date with you. Except not tonight, I need more time to prepare.”

Joan was a little confused. “Why not tonight?”

Vera bit her lip. “This is you we're talking about. I've never been on a date with a woman either, and I just want to impress you. Can you believe me when I say that I want it to be perfect?”

Joan smiled slowly, leaning down and whispering in her ear. “Yes, I can, but don't make me wait too long,” she said, her mouth gently brushing her neck in a faint kiss.

Vera gave a slight shiver. “I won't.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed that! :) I want to write a 2nd or possible 3rd chapter to this. I'll see how it goes when I write the 2nd chapter. Either way, I only want this to be a very short fic. I wanted to write something a little light with fluff because I think we all kind of need that this year.


	2. Chapter 2

Joan walked down the corridors of the prison, making her last rounds and final inspection of the prison. It was something she did often before she left, and she paused when she observed Fletcher leaning over Vera, talking rather intently to her. Joan narrowed her eyes at how uncomfortable Vera looked, and decided to intervene.

“Is there a problem here?”

Fletcher's body tensed and he turned around to glare at her. “No problem here, Governor. Actually, I want to have a word with you privately.”

Joan took a deep breath and nodded. “We can speak in my office. I'll be there shortly.” She turned to Vera, looking at how tired the smaller woman looked. “Ms. Bennett, I believe your shift ends soon. You worked a double last time, why don't you take the rest of the day off?”

“No, thank you, Governor. I can work until the end of my shift.”

“Vera, you know I appreciate your work ethic, but I can't have one of my officers run themselves into the ground. It hasn't been long since your mother passed, and the prison will still be here in the morning.”

“Really I--”

“Go home,” she said firmly.

Vera stared at her, and she could see the irritation in her eyes. “Fine, I'll see you tomorrow,” she said flatly.

Joan smiled slightly, ignoring Vera's short response as she watched her leave. Vera didn't look back, and she frowned before shaking her head and returning to her office. Fletcher stood outside the door and she nodded at him as she went through it.

She sat behind her desk and interlaced her fingers together, giving him her full attention. “What is it you'd like to speak to me about, Mr. Fletcher?”

“I know you're the reason why she doesn't want to see me anymore.”

Joan almost smirked, sighing a little. “I doubt I have that much control over her decisions.”

“I don't know what your intentions are, but I know what you did at Blackmoore and I won't let you hurt Vera.”

Her jaw tensed, and she raised her brow. “What makes you think I'd hurt her?”

“You know what you did to Kelly Bryant.”

She stood up, straightening her uniform and came around to stand in front of him. “I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Fletcher. The last thing I want to do is harm one of my most trusted officers,” she said, her voice deadly calm. She smiled, brushing a piece of lent off his shoulder. “Besides, I wasn't the one who decided to drunkenly masturbate after a date.”

He went pale. “What?”

“You didn't think she told me?” She asked, her lips twitching ever so slightly. “How drunk you were, and when you couldn't get what you wanted from her... you laid on her bed and pleasured yourself. And after you were done, you just left.” He stared at her, swallowing in shame.

“I don't—I don't remember that night well,” he stammered.

She clucked her tongue, making a tsk-tsk sound. “Clearly. She told me it was one of the most embarrassing experiences of her life. Is that the way you treat the women you're involved with?”

His cheeks reddened, and he looked down. “I apologized to her after.”

“Look at me when I'm talking to you, Mr. Fletcher,” she snapped.

He lifted his head, looking a little uncomfortable as he stared into her eyes. _Good._

“Vera, makes her own choices and I'm sorry to say she made a big mistake with you. I don't know what it is you think you know about me, but I _know_ what kind of man you are. Selfish, possessive, egotistical, and sexist. So before you come marching in here acting like some kind of neanderthal, you may want to look at yourself in the mirror. Now, get out.”

She watched him leave, wondering why she continued to let him keep his job. She didn't think she'd be able to tolerate him anymore, but she was patient with her plans and schemes. _Besides, it won't be too much longer._

She sighed as she grabbed her blazer and purse, not even acknowledging the other officers when she left. She wanted nothing more than to sit at home and relax with a cold shot of vodka.

* * *

Unlocking her door, she set her keys in the bowl. Aligning the bobby pins neatly onto the table, she shook her head gently to let her dark and silver waves fall to her shoulders. Sliding her feet into her slippers, she hummed quietly as she walked over to grab a glass to pour herself some vodka. She wasn't too hungry and made herself a quick salad, not wanting to drink on an empty stomach.

Staring at her phone, she wondered how Vera's night was going. She looked forward to spending more time with the smaller woman. She hesitated as she began to type out a message.

_I just wanted to say hello and hope you're having a pleasant evening._

She could see the texting bubbles, and it seemed like a longer time than usual for her response.

_Thank you. I hope you are too._

Joan smiled as she took a sip of her vodka.

_I'm finally home so I can relax. I've been thinking about you and I'm looking forward to our date._

_Actually Joan... I'm not so sure that's a good idea anymore._

Joan frowned, feeling the hair stand up on the back of her neck. She wasn't sure how to respond and firmed her jaw. She never took rejection well, and closed her eyes and willed herself to wait before she lashed out.

_May I ask why?_

_I'd rather not discuss this in text._

Joan's lips twitched, and she waited a minute before responding.

_We need to talk. I'll meet you at your place._

_What? No, this is completely last minute and it's getting late..._

_I wasn't expecting this so I'd like to talk about it. Please._

_Okay, I guess we can talk. Maybe in about 30 minutes?_

_I'll be there._

Joan wrapped a scarf around her neck and looked at herself in the mirror, noticing how tired and old she looked. Maybe that was why, but Vera never seemed like the superficial type. Joan turned her head, and brushed through her hair. She wasn't one to wear a lot of makeup, but tonight she would just to make sure Vera was paying attention. She smiled slowly and left to meet with Vera.

* * *

Vera waited a little nervously on her couch, almost jumping at the doorbell. As she opened the door, she held in a small gasp. Joan somehow looked more beautiful here than she ever did during their times after work. Her lips were shaded red, almost a crimson color. She couldn't help but feel that was done on purpose because Vera felt like she couldn't stop looking at her full mouth.

Joan smiled, sitting down on the same couch as Vera.

“Would you, uh, like anything to drink?”

“A glass of water would be lovely, thank you.”

Vera came back into the living room with two glasses of water, sitting next to her.

“Hmm,” Joan said, sipping her drink.

“Look Joan, I--”

“I'm surprised at you, Vera. I thought we had a connection. Things seemed to be going so well.”

Vera sighed. _Didn't take her long._ “They were, but earlier today you just sent me home without even letting me make a choice! I don't want that to be the basis for our relationship.”

“Our relationship? We haven't even gone on a date yet,” Joan said.

“This was a bad idea,” Vera said, and Joan looked more contrite.

“I care about you, and I was just concerned about the amount of hours you were putting into work. That's all. Next time, I will consider more of how you feel.” Joan looked so awkward and annoyed that it was almost kind of cute. Vera was ready to give in, but immediately thought of Fletch, and knew she had to bring this up as well.

“I appreciate that, but there's something else I need to mention to you. I talked to Fletch after work, and he profusely apologized to me for how he treated me. He told me how he didn't realize how humiliated I felt. But you didn't need to tell him some of the things I told you. That was something I told you in confidence.”

Joan stared down at her hands before she raised her eyes to her, and Vera could see a flash of something in her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was anger or embarrassment or both. Joan bit her lip and nodded.

“I don't regret what I said to him.”

“What?” Vera was confused, not expecting that answer.

“He didn't treat you well, and he came in acting like he already had some claim over you. I knew he made you feel uncomfortable today before I interrupted your conversation. That's entirely inappropriate and will not be tolerated at work. Yes, I made it personal but that's because _it is_ personal.”

Vera's eyes widened and she furrowed her brows. “That doesn't mean that you have to retaliate, as if you're fighting over me.”

Joan smirked, shaking her head. “I know I don't have to fight for you. He never stood a chance against me,” she said, smiling.

Vera almost spit out her drink. “You think so?”

“I know so. I know what happened today wasn't ideal, but this is who I am, Vera,” she said seriously.

Vera knew some of her attraction to Joan was exactly what she experienced today, and she couldn't explain why. She felt the weight on the couch shift as Joan moved closer to her. She took Vera's hand and held it in hers. Joan's hands were so soft and warm and she couldn't deny the butterflies it gave her.

“Please give us a chance,” she said, her eyes softer now as she looked into Vera's blue ones.

Joan was so close to her now she could feel her body heat. She could detect the faintest scent of her perfume, and she turned towards her, lingering on her lips.

“Joan,” she said quietly.

“Yes?”

“I really want to kiss you,” she whispered.

Joan breathed softly, and brushed Vera's hair behind her ear. Her eyes darkened, and Vera closed her eyes at the first touch of those soft, full lips on hers. She leaned into the kiss, and Joan kissed her more deeply, pulling her even closer. Joan sucked her lower lip, biting it gently. Joan's kisses grew more passionate, and Vera moaned into her mouth, letting her know just how much she wanted her. Joan pulled back gently, breathing harder as she looked at Vera.

Vera was breathless as she stared at her, her cheeks blushing and Joan smiled.

“You have no idea how much I want you right now, but I want to do this properly.”

“Do what properly?” Vera felt a little dizzy, wanting that feeling of Joan's soft lips and tongue again.

“I haven't had a... conventional relationship before and I want to do this right.”

Vera held her hand, smiling softly. “I haven't felt like this about anyone in a long time, and if you asked me to sleep with you tonight, I wouldn't say no.”

Joan's nostrils flared and her eyes darkened even more. “You make it very difficult,” she said, leaning forward again and kissing her. Vera caressed her collarbone, making Joan shiver as she pulled back. “And this is why anticipation will be even better,” she said and winked.

Vera licked her lips, standing up and feeling the pleasurable ache between her legs. “I should be mad at you for leaving me in this state.”

Joan smiled. “But you won't be. You'll look forward to the next time we're together.”

Vera smirked. “You're a master at your craft, that's for sure. I'm not sure if I'll be ready for the next time.”

“You will be.”

Vera wanted to kiss her goodbye, but Joan gently took her hand and kissed it, lingering for a few seconds.

“Goodnight, Vera.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that took me a little longer to update. I've been busy with work, and was also trying to figure out the best way to go about the next chapter for this fic. I hope people liked that update! I'll try to update sooner for the next chapter. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Joan sat at her desk watching the CCTV. She carefully watched every area of the prison, and when her eyes landed on Vera walking down a corridor, she smiled faintly. It had been a busy few days, but she looked forward to when they could spend more time together. Looking at the time she decided it was time for her to be going home.

Walking to the elevator she pressed the button, waiting somewhat impatiently as the doors slid open. Her eyes widened just a fraction when she saw Vera standing before her. Vera smiled at her slightly.

“Going down, Governor?”

Joan gracefully stepped inside and nodded, turning towards Vera. “Yes, I'm leaving for the day.”

“I'm heading out too,” Vera said, biting her lip as she looked at Joan from the corner of her eyes.

“Hmm... well, maybe we should finally have our special dinner tonight. Unless you have other plans?” She asked quietly.

Vera cleared her throat. “I would--” She paused as the elevator jolted slightly, the lights dimming. There was a stronger jolt, making Vera lose her balance slightly. Joan grabbed her arms, holding her up as she braced against the wall.

“What happened?” Vera asked anxiously.

“I believe the elevator has stopped working. Don't worry, I'll fix this,” Joan replied, turning and pressing the comm for maintenance.

“Assistance is required. The elevator near H Block has stopped working. I request immediate assistance.”

There was no answer, and Joan frowned as she took out her phone. The reception bars were low and she sighed.

“What about your radio?” Vera asked.

“I don't have it on me since I'm leaving for the day. Unless you have yours?”

Vera blushed. “No, I don't. I didn't keep mine for the same reason. Let me check my phone.”

Vera took a few steps, raising her phone in the air. “I can't get a signal.”

Joan's lips twitched. “We'll have to wait until we can finally get a hold of someone. They're bound to know it's not working soon.”

The lights dimmed again, and Joan watched as Vera's face went pale. Her hands were trembling and she began breathing faster.

“Vera, are you all right?”

“I-I d-don't like small spaces. Not when we're t-trapped.”

Joan didn't want to sit on the floor but she wasn't sure how long they'd be in here. She felt perhaps this would calm Vera down. She gently grabbed her wrist, her hand reaching up to cup her cheek. “You're with me, and you're safe. Nothing will happen to you while I'm here. Do you understand?”

Vera breathed, her eyes starting to tear up as she nodded. “But we're--”

“No tears, Vera. We'll be all right.” Joan slowly lowered herself to the floor and held up her hand. “Let's sit down and relax. We'll be out of here soon. Come on,” she said and patted the floor.

Vera bit her lip, looking at Joan as she nodded and slowly slid down next to her. “There you go, just sit down with me.” Joan wrapped her arm around Vera, holding her close. Vera was still trembling and Joan gently caressed her shoulder and arm with her thumb. Vera felt even more small and frail in her arms, and she squeezed her protectively.

Joan took long and deep breaths, hoping that it would calm Vera as she kept stroking her arm. Slowly, she noticed the trembling begin to stop and turned to look at her. “How are you doing?”

“Better since I'm with you,” she said, resting her head on her shoulder. Joan smiled, the affectionate gesture making her heart swell. “How long do you think it'll be?”

Joan pressed her lips gently against her hair as she spoke softly. “I'm not sure, but I doubt it'll be too much longer. Maybe an hour or two at the longest. But it'll probably be sooner than that.”

Joan looked down at her, seeing that Vera would close her eyes every few seconds. “Are you tired?”

“No, I'm just trying to tell myself that we'll be out soon. That you're here with me, and that the walls aren't getting smaller.”

The lights dimmed and went out, and Vera stiffened, her breathing coming in short gasps. “Oh my god, I can't do this!”

Joan didn't like what was happening either, and she cursed the people of this prison for being so damn incompetent. She didn't want Vera to have a full panic attack. “Vera, listen to me! I'm right here. It's dark but I'm still here. You're with me.” She raised Vera's hand and pressed it against her heart. She would never let anyone do this, but she needed to somehow ground Vera.

“I can't do this, Joan!” She cried.

“Yes, you can. Nothing is going to happen to us. Feel my heartbeat. How does it feel?”

Vera didn't speak for several seconds, her breathing still shallow. “I-I-I don't know...”

“Concentrate on the feeling of my heart. Tell me what you feel.” Joan stroked her hand, keeping it close to her chest.

“Warmth,” Vera whispered. “It's slow, strong...steady. Not beating fast like mine.”

Joan lifted her hand until she felt Vera's face, her hand stroking her hair and cheek. “You'll be all right. Just stay with me. Imagine what we'll have for dinner tonight,” she said, smiling.

Vera breathed suddenly, chuckling and Joan felt her begin to relax. “If we even have time for dinner.”

“If not, then we'll just have a night cap,” Joan said quietly.

“I want to have the perfect date with you,” Vera said seriously.

“Any time spent with you is perfect.”

“This isn't perfect,” Vera grumbled.

Joan smirked, still caressing Vera's hand over her heart. “Well, I would rather not be in this situation, but it's made me feel closer to you somehow. I never knew this about you, and if I'm honest, I love being able to touch you.”

“That is one positive out of this, I guess,” Vera said.

Joan could feel Vera shift closer, her soft breath against her cheek. Joan closed her eyes when she felt Vera's hand touch her neck, before her lips gently kissed her jaw.

The lights went on, and they both squinted at each other as their eyes tried to adjust. Vera's hand was still caressing her neck, her lips close to her cheek.

Vera dropped her forehead against her shoulder, and whispered, “Thank you.”

Joan patted her back, taking her hand and squeezing it. “Don't worry about it.”

The elevator jolted again and began to move normally, and Joan slowly stood up and held out her hand. Vera grasped her hand, letting her pull her up. Joan stared at her, feeling her heart beating faster, except it wasn't out of panic. She felt a strong urge to push Vera against the elevator and kiss her, but she held in that urge. She swallowed and forced a smile. Vera smiled back and blushed, turning away.

“You're looking at me like I'm something to eat.”

Joan's lip curled, raising her brow as she watched Vera. “If there weren't any cameras, I'd indulge myself.”

Vera gulped, blushing even more. Joan smirked, her eyes traveling over Vera's body. When the elevator door finally opened, Joan held out her hand. “After you.”

“Vera! Are you all right?” Fletcher asked worriedly.

“Other than a minor inconvenience we're perfectly fine, Mr. Fletcher.”

“Vera, are you sure you're okay?” Fletch asked, ignoring the Governor.

“Yes, I'm okay, thank you,” Vera said shyly.

“Your concern is noted, Mr. Fletcher,” Joan said coldly.

Fletch glared at Joan. “Why did this happen while you were in the elevator with her?”

Joan narrowed her eyes. “You'd do well to watch your tone, Mr. Fletcher. I'm not exactly sure what you're insinuating. Accidents happen.”

“I'm okay, Fletch, really.”

“Mr. Fletcher, please do check to make sure that doesn't happen again. I wouldn't want Ms. Bennett and I or anyone else to have to experience such an issue.”

“Yes, Governor,” he muttered.

She smirked at Fletch as she left with Vera, allowing her hand to brush Vera's waist possessively.

Vera breathed a sigh of relief when she walked out into the parking lot. “Ah, fresh air! I love it!”

Joan smiled, looking up at the sky. “It definitely is a relief. Despite what happened, I'm glad I was the one with you today Vera, and not anyone else,” she said seriously.

“Me too, Joan. I'm really grateful for you helping me back there. I think I would have passed out if you weren't there.”

Joan's eyes were soft, and she cleared her throat. “I'd never let anything happen to you... not again,” she said seriously. She felt tremendous guilt over the riot, but she couldn't ever give in to the demands of the prisoners.

Vera looked slightly emotional before she took a deep breath, and nodded. “Thank you... that means a lot.”

Joan wasn't comfortable discussing this, but the need to protect Vera felt even stronger now. She smiled softly. “Well, I would love it if you come over to my house for dinner tonight. I hope you still want to. Or we can always do it on another night if you're not up to it.”

Joan knew it was possible that it would be too much for Vera today, but she hoped she'd say yes. She tried to keep her expression neutral, just in case she said no.

“I'd love to,” Vera said, smiling.

Joan smiled slowly, and lifted her hand to stroke Vera's hair behind her ear. “Wonderful. Bring a nice red wine with you, and wear something... alluring,” she said and winked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I'm so sorry this took even longer for an update! I know I said I'd try to update sooner but I've had a lot going on right now. I'll try to update the next chapter as soon as I can! I hope you all enjoyed this latest update. :)


	4. Chapter 4

Vera stared at herself in the mirror, trying to decide on a dress to wear, or if she should wear a blouse with slacks. She wasn’t sure on the color if she should wear black, green, or blue. Blue would match her eyes. She stared at the azure blue dress, slightly more on the darker side. It was a little short, and showed a subtle hint of her cleavage. It would definitely show off her figure and her nicely toned legs. She slipped it on and turned around, noticing how it clung around her hips.  _ She did say alluring. _

She remembered the last time she dressed herself up, trying to impress Fletch. That didn’t exactly end well, and she wondered if it would be the same for her and Joan.  _ Am I trying too hard? _

Brushing through her hair, she liked the soft waves that framed her face. She wanted to wear a little more makeup but not a lot. This was different tonight. She wanted it to be special and meaningful. Digging through her jewelry box, she chose her sapphire teardrop shaped earrings. She smiled, loving how the earrings matched her dress and caused her eyes to shade a darker blue. 

She dabbled some perfume onto her wrists, smiling mischievously as she also put some around the hollow of her throat. Glancing at the time, she knew she’d have to get going otherwise she’d be late. She grabbed the bottle of Shiraz knowing just how much Joan enjoyed it, and left her house.

She glanced at her phone and smiled as she began to text a message to her. 

_ Should I bring any dessert?  _

_ Dessert? Hmm… let me think. There is one thing I'd like. _

_ Oh what is it? I can get ice cream or cake. Anything you have a craving for? _

_ Oh, Vera… the only thing I crave is your kiss. _

Vera blushed, remembering the taste of Joan’s lips against hers, the way her lips softly kissed her hair earlier in the elevator. She closed her eyes when she thought about how nice it felt to be so close to Joan, loving the feeling of Joan’s arm around her. She’d been so close to kissing her then, only allowing herself to trace her lips along her jaw. Joan’s skin was soft and her hair smelled of a subtle orange blossom.

_ I’ll see you soon. :) _

_ I look forward to it, Vera. ;) _

Vera stared at the winking face emoji, feeling butterflies in her stomach. Driving to Joan’s house, she thought about what tonight would be like. Would they actually kiss like Joan mentioned? Would they do more than kiss? Would it only be one date? Would she completely make a fool out of herself and Joan ask her to leave?

_ Stop worrying about it and just enjoy yourself!  _

Checking her hair and makeup again, she walked up to Joan’s door and almost tripped in her heels.

“Shit!” It would be just like her to twist her fucking ankle. Luckily she was just clumsy and didn’t hurt herself. She shook her head as she found her footing, and smoothed her dress before she rang the doorbell. 

Joan opened the door, her eyes widening as she took in Vera’s appearance. Joan’s eyes slowly traveled from head to toe. Vera smiled nervously, feeling a little self conscious. Joan looked so… so sexy in a satin green blouse and black form fitting pants. They hugged her hips, and the blouse was open showing the same necklace she wore the first night when she brought her food. Her hair was down, and her hair fell in front of her eye softly as she looked down at Vera. She gave a small lopsided smile, and held out her arm. 

“You look lovely, Vera. Please come in.” 

Vera walked inside, and couldn’t help watching Joan’s gentle sway of her hips as she walked into the kitchen. She could hear the faint soft notes of a saxophone and piano playing. As she peered inside, she could see that the lighting was low with several candles placed in the middle of the kitchen table. 

“I hope you brought your appetite,” Joan said playfully, placing their plates onto her table. 

Vera smiled, her eyes landing on the plate of medium rare steak, roasted vegetables, and salad. She held out the bottle of Shiraz and placed it on the table. 

Joan's eyes lit up when she saw the bottle and poured the wine into their glasses. “Shiraz is one of my favorites, thank you.”

“I know, I remember,” Vera replied.

They sat across from each other, the candlelit flames flickering gently. Joan’s eyes glowed softly as she glanced at her, taking a sip of her wine.

“How does it taste?”

“Delicious. I don’t think I’ve ever had steak prepared so well… it’s very juicy.”

Joan’s cheeks flushed, and she smiled almost shyly. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

“Have you always liked to cook?” Vera asked curiously.

Joan took a bite of her steak, looking thoughtful. “Yes, it’s something my father instilled in me at an early age. I’m no chef, but I’ve always felt pride in my cooking. What about you?”

“Sometimes. I mean I cook because it’s cheaper and healthier than fast food, but I’ve never really liked it. At some point, my mum no longer wanted to cook so I had to learn to take care of myself.”

Joan sipped her wine slowly. “Maybe I can teach you a few recipes. If you keep coming over for dinner, I’m sure I can help you find  _ pleasure _ in whatever we do together,” she said and winked.

Vera almost choked on her wine, thinking of all the things they could do together. “I, um, will definitely look forward to that,” she said, smiling.

“Are you finished with your dinner?” Joan asked as she rose out of her chair. Vera wanted to be near Joan, not across the table anymore but she was still a little nervous. 

“Yes, thank you,” she replied, watching Joan as she put their dishes away. 

“Why don’t you go into the living room while I clean up? Make yourself comfortable,” Joan said.

Vera nodded, moving into the living room with her wine glass. She looked around, seeing the various collections of art on the walls. The coffee table also had a few candles on it, creating even more of an intimate setting.

Joan walked in and sat down next to Vera, placing her wine glass onto the coffee table. “How are you doing after today?” She asked softly.

Vera had almost forgotten about what happened in the elevator until now. She shrugged, and took another sip of wine. “I’m doing okay, I guess. I’m a lot better now that I’m here with you.”

Joan smiled. “I should hope so. I was thinking how Mr. Fletcher seemed so worried about you, and it made me wonder if this is something that has happened before.”

Vera shook her head. “Not getting stuck in an elevator, but just my panic attacks really. It seems to always happen when I’m not in control of a situation, and I was always able to hide when they happened, but this time I couldn’t. It was a little embarrassing,” she chuckled nervously.

Joan took her hand, squeezing it gently. “Vera, there is no reason to be embarrassed. I might seem rather harsh at work, but it’s only because I know what kind of officer you can be. You’re safe with me,” she said quietly, gently stroking Vera’s hand with her thumb.

“Thank you,” she said, feeling those butterflies again at the touch of Joan’s hand on hers. Joan intertwined their fingers, sitting a little bit closer.

“Have you ever had panic attacks?” Vera asked.

Joan furrowed her brow, looking down for a few seconds. “When I was a child, I did but I don’t remember exactly when they started. Just that I suffered from a lot of anxiety.”

Vera was surprised by this confession. Joan seemed so strong and sure of herself. “I wish I could be like that now.”

Joan glanced at her through her eyelashes, her expression soft and almost remorseful. “It takes time but eventually it can be beaten out of you,” Joan said quietly. “Figuratively speaking of course,” she added quickly and smiled. But it seemed to be a forced smile and Vera wondered why. She realized there was so very little she knew about the Governor.

She cupped Vera’s cheek and stared into her eyes, and it was in such an intense way that she stopped breathing for a few seconds. “I’m doing something I never thought I would, and it makes me fearful.”

“Why?” Vera asked, feeling a little confused.

Joan sighed and stroked her hair behind her ear, smiling almost sadly. “It’s too much to explain right now, but just know that I’ve done everything I can to stop how I feel about you, but I can’t.”

“Why is that a bad thing?”

Joan’s thumb brushed over her lower lip, making Vera shiver slightly. “It’s not anymore because I’ve finally given into what I’ve been fighting all this time.”

Vera felt confused but also super aroused as Joan’s fingertips trailed across her throat and collarbones. “And what is that?” She whispered.

“This,” Joan said, leaning forward and kissing Vera. She cupped the back of her neck and sighed into her mouth. Vera opened her mouth more, letting her tongue inside. It was different than their last kiss, even more passionate and tender in some ways. Joan kissed the corner of her mouth, trailing her lips across her jaw and throat.

“Joan,” she whispered, holding her close. Her mouth was hot as she placed open mouthed kisses across her skin, and she lowered her head closer to the tops of her breasts and inhaled deeply. Full lips kissed the swells of her breasts, making Vera moan softly before Joan moved back up to kiss her again.

Joan’s palm smoothed over her thigh, making Vera spread her legs around her hips and Joan groaned deep in her throat. She looked at Vera, holding her tightly as the smaller woman straddled her lap. 

Vera sighed softly, kissing her deeply. She held Joan’s face between her hands, biting her lip gently and moaned when Joan squeezed her ass, lifting her dress and stroking her fingernails against her quivering stomach.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Vera asked, unsure if they should wait.

Joan’s eyes were half lidded with desire, and she kissed the hollow of Vera’s throat, whispering against her skin. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Vera nodded, slowly rocking her hips against Joan who squeezed and rubbed her ass. Vera was breathless as she broke their kiss, her hands lowering to unbutton more of Joan’s blouse. Joan smiled, helping her open her blouse and shrugging it off. Vera stared down at her breasts, lifting her hands and cupping them. 

She could feel Joan’s hard nipples poking through her bra, and she rubbed them over the material, listening to Joan’s breathing. Joan arched her back, wanting more of Vera’s touch and she squeezed her breasts. She kept caressing and squeezing until Joan kissed her hard, picking her up from the couch. Vera wrapped her legs tightly around her waist, trying to keep her balance.

Joan’s hands moved under her thighs and ass, holding her securely as she kissed her. 

Vera held her tightly, kissing her and rolling her tongue over hers. Joan moaned into their kiss, and she pressed her burning sex against Joan’s belly. Joan’s breathing was harsh as she looked into her eyes and they were dark with desire, her nostrils flaring. 

She scratched her fingernails against the back of Vera’s neck, moving to kiss her neck again. Joan whispered hotly into her ear, loving the feel of the smaller woman shivering in her arms.

“I want you in my bed right now,” Joan said, biting her earlobe gently.

“Joan… yes, I need you,” she moaned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while since I last updated but I have been thinking a lot about this fic. I do plan on finishing it and the next chapter will be the last. I don't want to keep torturing my readers with waiting for smut so I'll try to update the last chapter a lot sooner. I've been working on a couple other fics as well, so I'm trying to balance those out. Especially one that is more of a Halloween theme for this spooky season. Anyway, I hope people liked this chapter! :)
> 
> I listened to some smooth jazz called Paris Jazz that I really liked. I imagine that Joan played this for Vera when she arrived. :) If you're interested in listening, here is the youtube link: https://youtu.be/xaz038OmNL4


	5. Chapter 5

Joan carried Vera, lowering her carefully onto her bed. Vera’s skin was flushed, and her hair a little mussed from their kissing. Vera sat on her bed, pulling her close between her legs. Joan smiled, lowering her hands to Vera’s shoulders. She caressed her soft skin, gliding her hands down as she pushed her back onto the bed. 

Tossing her blouse aside, clad only in her bra and pants. Bending her knee, she pushed it between Vera’s legs. She could feel the wet heat against her thigh, and lowered her head to kiss Vera’s neck. The smaller woman moaned and arched against her, slowly grinding against her thigh. 

Joan sighed, firmly pressing her knee against Vera’s sex. “I’ve had dreams about this,” she whispered, licking Vera’s neck and biting gently. 

“You have?” Vera looked up at her, panting as she unzipped Joan’s pants. Joan bit her lip when Vera’s fingertips stroked against the thin material of her underwear, and she slowly undulated against her fingers. 

Joan held Vera’s wrist, pushing her hands against the bed. She held her wrists down, rocking her hips against her. “Not yet,” she growled, biting Vera’s lower lip. 

“But I want to touch you,” Vera said.

“You want to touch me?” Joan asked playfully, circling her hips and kissing Vera.

“Yes,” she breathed, pressing her hips against Joan’s thigh. 

Joan lifted up, and stood in front of her now. She slowly took off her pants, followed by her underwear. Vera sat up, her eyes raking over her body. Removing her bra, she crawled onto the bed. She lowered her hand to her cunt and stroked herself. Vera watched with lust filled eyes as Joan slid her fingers along her wet lips and over her clit. 

She brought her fingers to Vera’s mouth. “Suck. Taste me,” she commanded. Vera stared into her eyes, and her nostrils flared as Vera wrapped her lips around them. Joan smiled, breathing deeply and slid her fingers out. She brushed her fingertip against Vera’s lips.

Vera pulled her closer, and Joan allowed it as she caressed her body, loving the feel of the satin dress against her skin. She lifted it and stared down at the lace thong Vera wore. 

“You’re soaking. You might have ruined these,” Joan teased, snapping the thong against her hip. 

Vera blushed and lifted her hips as Joan helped remove her thong and bra. “Joan, I need you to fuck me.”

Joan caressed her stomach and slowly took off the dress Vera wore. She stared down at her and smiled. “Ask me nicely.”

Vera sighed. “Please.”

“Please what?” 

“Please fuck me, Joan.”

“Good girl,” she said, leaning down to kiss her. Vera moaned into her mouth, and Joan lowered her thigh and began to rock against her. 

Vera wrapped her legs around her waist, cupping her face as she kissed her. Joan moaned softly at the tender touch, caressing her body as she moved down. She left kisses on her breasts and stomach, her hips. Vera shivered and Joan caressed her inner thighs, spreading them wider.

“You don’t have to do that,” Vera said, raising herself onto her elbows. 

Joan stroked her skin, her fingernails scratching gently. “You don’t know how much I’ve wanted this. I’ve needed to taste you. I want to feel you come undone in my mouth.”

Vera blushed a deep crimson, and Joan smiled at her reaction. “No one’s said that to me like that before. It always felt like an afterthought, or obligation,” she said quietly. 

Joan shook her head. “Then those people are stupid,” she whispered as she lowered her head and pressed her mouth to her cunt. Vera was so wet, and she licked her slowly, drinking as much as she could of her wetness. 

Joan’s hands held her hips, caressing her with her lips and tongue. She was so soft and wet and Joan moaned deeply in the back of her throat, loving how she smelled and tasted.

Vera undulated her hips, rolling them slowly as she held her closer to her mouth. “Oh, Joan,” she moaned.

Joan looked up at her, noticing how Vera’s mouth was parted open and her eyes half closed. She made eye contact with her, and flicked her clit with her tongue. 

It didn’t take long before Vera was trembling underneath her, and she thrust her fingers inside as she licked her clit. Circling with her tongue, she began to suck it into her mouth. Vera gasped and arched her back, and Joan could feel how close she was. She squeezed her fingers, rocking her hips faster as she kept her mouth on her clit. Joan curled her fingers, and that caused Vera to finally let go. She moaned as she felt her come into her mouth, gently licking her. 

Vera was completely still, breathing heavily as she caressed her hips. Joan slowly moved back up and looked down at her. She brushed her hair out of her eyes, and kissed her gently. 

“Thank you,” Joan whispered against her lips. 

Vera smiled and wrapped her arms around her neck. “I really should be the one thanking you.”

Joan smirked, kissing her and moaning when Vera rolled her tongue over hers, sucking on her bottom lip. She was trembling with need now, completely turned on by the smaller woman in her arms.

“Touch me,” Joan said, her voice low as she looked into Vera’s eyes. Vera caressed her breasts, leaning up to take one of them into her mouth. Joan closed her eyes, loving the attention. Vera moved back and forth between her breasts, sucking and biting them gently. She sighed, cupping Vera’s face as she kissed her again. 

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” Joan said, holding her close. Vera slowly moved her onto her back.

“You have me now,” she said, kissing Joan again as she pressed against her. 

Vera was a little intimidated about pleasing Joan, but she wasn’t going to let that get in the way of what she wanted most. She dreamed about her too. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t tell her, but it was enough to know that Joan wanted her just as much. 

Joan caressed her body, giving her goosebumps as she melted under her touch. Vera smiled sensually, doing the same to Joan as their breasts touched. Vera slid her thigh against her cunt, and gasped when Joan grabbed her ass and pulled her against her thigh. 

“You’re not in control here,” Vera whispered and nipped her lips.

Joan raised her brow, a smile playing at her lips. “I’m always in control.” 

“Not anymore,” Vera said. She pressed her wrists against the bed, thrusting her thigh firmly against her, and smiled when Joan began to rock against her thigh. Vera traced her mouth when Joan’s lips parted as she moaned softly. 

“You’re not stronger than me,” Joan said in a low voice, but Vera noticed she didn’t move her wrists. Vera stroked the inside of her wrists, feeling the fluttering of her pulse. She leaned down and whispered against her ear.

“I know I’m not, but I hope you trust me.” 

Joan’s lips brushed her cheek, and she felt some of the tension drain away from her body. “I do trust you,” Joan whispered back. 

Vera cupped her face and kissed her slow and deep. Joan began to rock against her, making her shiver at the wet heat coating her thigh. Joan’s nipples hardened under her touch as she rolled them between her fingers. 

Joan kissed her hard, wrapping her arms around her as they moved together. Vera lowered her knee and placed her palm firmly against her wet cunt. Joan quickly grabbed her wrist.

“Inside me,” she rasped. 

“Say please,” Vera said, raising her brow as she looked down at her. 

Joan. “I want your fingers inside me now… please, Vera,” she said, her tone softening. 

Vera’s fingers stroked her wet lips, teasing her before she thrust two fingers inside deeply. Joan groaned, her eyes closing as she bent her knees. Vera spread her legs a little wider, kissing her knees and inner thighs as she laid down on her stomach. 

Joan lifted her hips, her hand stroking Vera’s hair as she lowered her mouth to her clit. 

“More,” Joan gasped, and Vera moaned and slid a third finger inside. She licked her, her tongue slowly circling her clit. 

Joan rocked her hips, and Vera used one hand to steady her against the bed. “Oh my God, you’re so sexy, Joan,” she whispered, looking up at her. Joan’s eyes were dark, filled with a lust and longing. She curled her fingers inside and began to suck on her clit.

Joan whimpered, a sound she’d never heard from the woman, and Vera moaned softly as she sucked her clit gently. It didn’t take long before Joan was arching her back, her body trembling.

Vera thrust harder, licking her clit as she sucked a little more firmly. Joan’s entire body tensed as she pushed against Vera’s mouth. She cried out as she orgasmed, body shaking. Vera kept sucking her clit until Joan moved her head away. Vera gently kissed her wet lips, before she rested her cheek against her thigh.

She breathed softly, kissing her thighs and stomach. Joan’s hand caressed her cheek, smiling down at her faintly. Vera slowly moved up and kissed her softly. Joan was still trembling slightly, and she allowed Vera to hold her close. 

Joan sighed as she kissed her again, pulling Vera even closer. Turning them onto their sides, she pulled the sheets around their hips, her arm wrapped firmly around Vera’s waist. 

Joan stroked her hair, silently watching her and caressing her body. The smaller woman suddenly felt self conscious, smiling a little as Joan looked into her eyes. 

“Um, was that nice?” Vera asked carefully. 

Joan’s eyes widened and she cupped Vera’s cheek. “It was more than nice. It was perfect,” she said, kissing her. 

Vera stroked her hair, and Joan closed her eyes at the touch, holding her. “I want to do that again,” Vera whispered. 

Joan smiled slowly. “Me too. I want to see you again. I want… I want us to date more.”

Joan looked a little shy as she said this, and Vera hugged her tightly, kissing her neck. “I want that too. I don’t want this to just be a one time thing,” she said, and she felt suddenly emotional at the thought. 

Joan heard the small tremor in Vera’s voice, and looked into her eyes. She kissed her gently, tenderly as she held her. “Vera, I know this is still early, but I… I’ve never had a conventional relationship. I want that with you.”

Vera smiled, cuddling more against the taller woman. “Does this mean I’m your girlfriend?” She asked playfully. 

Joan almost rolled her eyes. “It sounds so juvenile but yes, I’d like that. That is, if you want that,” she said quietly. 

Vera held her hand, looking up at her. “Yes, I do,” she said, smiling sweetly. Joan stroked her back, kissing her again. 

Vera suddenly yawned, and Joan pulled the covers higher over them. She nuzzled Vera’s neck, kissing her skin and inhaled her sweet feminine scent, mixed with their lingering arousal. 

“Stay here tonight. I can make you breakfast in the morning,” Joan said, stroking her back. 

Vera didn’t answer for a few seconds, and Joan looked down to see that Vera had fallen asleep.   


Joan felt such a tenderness in her heart. She smiled fondly as she held her close. 

For the first time in years, she felt alive. Watching Vera sleep, she thought of their night together. She always got what she wanted, but whatever happened she’d always make sure Vera was happy. Joan kissed her forehead.   


“My Vera.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I would have updated this a little sooner but I got a little consumed with the election lol. This is the last chapter for this fic and I hope people enjoyed it. It was fun to write. :)


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